Ordinary, unbearable pain

I’m fascinated by the horrendously painful life events that most people must endure:


Half of people who get married go through #2 and #3–two of the three “worst-case scenario events” on this scale.  Virtually everyone buries their parents; most people go through #5-7, etc., etc., etc….These horrific events are an expected part of life.

I remember finding out when I was going through my miscarriages that basically everyone who has more than one kid has been through a miscarriage.  I remember being horrified–especially since my first miscarriage was definitely the hardest, because it permanently erased any possibility of a blissful pregnancy. My innocence was gone.

That’s what you’re signing up for when you try to have a kid–giving over control to your life.

The real horror story, though, is the realization that you’re signing onto these awful, stressful, traumatizing life events just because you are alive.

I recommend NOT adding up your points for this.

I keep thinking, “Crap, 50% of people who get married go through this.  That’s insane.  And we’re expected to just endure this second-most-stressful-life-event because it’s a normal part of life.”  It doesn’t make it any easier to know how many people share this pain–it makes me feel awful about life.  It also makes it harder for me to indulge one of the things that’s keeping me going–patting myself on the back at the end of each day because I’m surviving this.

I no longer think it’s dumb to shift the focus to the happy moments in between the losses.  It’s not particularly inherent to my nature, but I see now that it’s simply survival.


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