I have less than eight weeks until summer vacation!  I’m REALLY looking forward to getting to sleep until 6:30 every morning (assuming my body lets me) and fitting in five workouts a week instead of four.

I generally do better when I’m working than I do on vacation–partly because I love my job, and partly because that’s a lot of unstructured time. So, I’m setting some goals for myself. I’m keeping them vague and unambitious enough that I’m unlikely to end the summer feeling disappointed in myself:

(1) Work on my abs.  I’m not going to have a six-pack (well, I mean, a guy with a six pack, yes.  But not a six pack on me)–I drink too much and train too easily. But I do feel a little firmer since I stopped blowing them off.  I also eat virtually no junk food when I’m at home–I mainly do that when I need a lift at work.

(2) Train harder, period.  I’ve been sort of stuck for a while because I’ve felt unsure in how to push myself.  I’m afraid to add weight, because if my form is bad (especially with barbell stuff), I could get injured.  The thing is, though, I do such low weight stuff as it is…it’s probably going to be a while before that’s a real danger.  Fortunately, I have an awesome trainer friend who lets me mooch advice all the freaking time.  I’m sure I can get help from him.

(3) Drink less frequently.  I don’t drink more than, say, three drinks in a night, but I drink too often.

(4) Wean off the sleeping pills.  Not completely. I mean, I did it for a month last summer, but I think that’s an unrealistic goal.  If I could just go from “needing elephant tranquilizers” to “dramamine works most of the time,” that would be excellent.  I don’t even know how feasible that is, but I should at least try it.

(5) Stop being so hermetic.  I regret being in a relationship last summer (not because I’m necessarily anti-relationship…just because I wasn’t with the right guy, and I could have had much more fun and at least met wrong guys who were local), and I’ve been increasingly antisocial. Honestly, part of it is that I find saving my energy to hard workouts to be more fruitful than, say, dating.  It’ll be easier, though, to coordinate social things with girlfriends, because we’re all teachers who are off for the summer.

(6) Read.  It takes me so freaking long to get through a book, but maybe I’ll be more able to focus.  Or it’ll take me the whole summer to read one book.  Fine.

(7) Write.  This.  That’s all.

(8) Keep playing with music.  I’m slowly getting past my initial inhibition/shame/self-consciousness at the cheesiness of my voice and my pop covers.  It makes me happy.  Even if all I do are 15-second covers. I’m trying not to care what people think unless it’s positive (no one has ever said anything negative, but I am so afraid of being undeservedly confident). I’m aware that my voice is nothing of the potential that existed 20 years ago.  Okay.  I’m figuring out a way to use what’s left of it.  I was playing around with a few songs today, and I felt something positive coming from them. Even if it wasn’t that they were impressed with what I was doing, I felt a connection when they stopped and looked up from their homework.

It’s been a while since I felt I had something to look forward to, and I always feel more content when I have something to which I can count down in my head.  Looking over that list on this day, I actually feel cautiously optimistic rather than nervous about all of that open space and time.

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