I often have to define this for people. The short version is that fuckboys present as being open to the possibility of something beyond casual sex/fwb mainly because that draws a larger dating pool. In order to “hook” you, they:
overstate their feelings for you, and/or
overstate their emotional availability, and/or
intentionally hide their emotional unavailability, and/or
evade discussions about the nature/potential of your relationship (at least until after you’ve slept together).
I’m not in a hurry to get into a serious, exclusive relationship, but for my own happiness and sanity, I’d rather know the reality of the situation. I’ve continued to see guys that were upfront about their non-relationship intentions because they were still interesting and enjoyable (and, obviously, honest).
If I’m iffy on a guy, I let him move on. I don’t think I’m doing anyone that I don’t actually like a favor by gracing him with my presence. I’m also a softy, and I do understand how fragile the male ego can be. (I mean this with compassion, not sarcasm). I know that men often end up “needing” women to rebuild their egos–which is selfish, but it doesn’t necessarily make them bad people overall.
I think that one of the causes of the fuckboy plague is the virgin/whore complex that is still alive and well in our culture. If you want a relationship, you’re still expected to play games with sex and use it as a commodity. I don’t feel that women in the dating world are yet free to be sexual and emotional. It’s surprisingly difficult to be a woman who loves sex but is also kindhearted.
I categorize too, though, a guy early on into “relationship material” based on our common interests (including what we’re looking for in dating). As I said, I have sometimes continued to see men who weren’t. Honesty is so rare that it can be a kind of an aphrodisiac for me. I’m trying to move away from that, though, so I can use my free time at the gym and bettering myself rather than filling an empty place in my heart or body.
If there is any question, it’s best to err on the side of assuming he’s a fuckboy. Some boys are very skilled at manipulation by omission. Either ask flat-out or just move onto the next handsome. Or stay and enjoy his company, but don’t get sucked into thinking that his IG “hearts” or being called “bae” means anything at all. If you do get attached, this is what will happen; It’s one of the best/relatable things I’ve ever read:
If the link to the full version of “15 Tragic Signs” doesn’t work, try here: http://thoughtcatalog.com/andi-terblanche/2015/02/15-tragic-signs-youre-dealing-with-a-fuckboy/
1. He’s constantly begging for nudes.
Fuckboys are hungry and desperate for female attention. They feed their fuckboy ways with nude pics from the dozens of girls they talk to on Tinder, OkC, Reddit, and other random sites. He hides his phone when he gets a Snapchat because he knows it’s gonna be some girl’s nudies. For every one nude pic you send, he’s getting like 10 others from other chicks.
2. He says he doesn’t believe in labels.
Major warning sign you are dealing with a fuckboy is when a guy wants to keep things in the gray period and says he doesn’t believe in labels. What’s wrong with labels? I love labels! They help keep shit organized and let you know where you stand. A fuckboy doesn’t want you to know where you stand, though. He wants to just keep doing the damn thing without actually committing…
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