There are two things I want to talk about, but I think I can work one into the other:
I only remember any of my dreams about once a week, and it’s quite rare for a dream to stick with me for more than a few hours. I had a dream Sunday night that I can’t stop thinking about, because I think it has some sort of meaning. What I remember was this:
I was in some sort of house, and I saw in my peripheral vision the mounted head of a black panther on the wall. The next thing I knew, the head was right next to mine. It was attached to a body, but all I remember clearly was its face, and my fear that I was about to die a painful death.
It looked exactly like this, and its face was parallel to mine, and only inches away. It looked EXACTLY like one of the first images that comes up in a search:
It didn’t kill me. What I can’t remember is if I woke up before it had a chance to attack, or if it ended up being gentle. It wasn’t a long dream–which implies the former–but the dream ended with me feeling less frightened than I had been.
Why is this sticking with me? For one thing, the image of its face was SO CLEAR and true to life…but don’t know that I have EVER thought about a black panther. I can’t even think from where I would draw such an accurate picture. I didn’t really get a good look at its body during the dream, but these things are fucking beautiful and terrifying.
SHIT YOUR PANTS.
I know this means something, because I can’t stop thinking about it. I found myself literally looking up dream interpretations, which is not something in which i believe. The main things that came up that were the least unreasonable were:
(1) a major and unexpected life change within the next year
I’ll be divorced within the next year, if my lawyer ever fucking responds to me so we can file and get on with it.
On Sunday, my daughter returned from her daddy’s place (where his fiancee and her son are visiting) saying “[Dad’s fiancee] and daddy are getting married!,” and going on about how she wants the wedding to be. I had been kind of dropping hints that they might, just so the idea can be introduced gradually. She was excited about the wedding, and she was happy to be gaining a (step)brother.
Yesterday and today, she said she didn’t want them to get married. She asked me why two people who love each other have to get married if she doesn’t want them to. It was really not a big deal, and she quickly went back into wedding-planning mode.
She was saying they’re going to have Beatles’ music in their wedding. I think that’s just coming from her–I doubt they’re going to do anything resembling the stupid money-drainers that people around here have for weddings. However, it felt WEIRD to even think about, because I walked down the aisle to “Here, There and Everywhere,” and we walked out to “I Will.”
That’s weird, but minor.
I also had a great rational reaction, but OUCH emotional one, to the four pictures my ex posted on Twitter of his fiancee and my daughter (heads together, laying down on some kind of cushion at the museum). I immediately thought “this is good. The best thing is for her to be good to Boo, and for Boo to like her.” But the feeling was a knife to the heart. I know it’s not rational, I know this is a good thing, but the mom jealousy has got to be okay as long as I just acknowledge it.
This one could also have to do with a number of my friends. One couple is breaking up, one couple is reconciling.
(2) a sudden breaking of a contract
I dunno. I’m not psychic, so I have no idea how this could apply to me, but it seems to be going around, unfortunately. The things I read saw this as prophetic, but it works fine in hindsight for what’s going on around me.
(3) being dominated/bullied by someone
This makes sense as a universal “processing” dream.
(4) a more broad dream about facing your fears/shadow/darkness
Same as #3, and clearly relevant, if I may toot my own horn.
I don’t think this is a prophetic dream, because I don’t have prophetic dreams. I’d believe someone else I cared about if she said she had a prophetic dream, but I don’t have them. There’s just so much going on around me, and it came the first time I slept after having my big, dumb epiphany. And maybe that’s all there is to it, and I’m just looking for some magical, special meaning to the first dream that I’ve remembered in a long time. Maybe all that happened was that I cried hard enough that morning and got enough sunlight that my sleep architecture was altered in such a way that I woke up at a time that allowed me to remember my dream.
But it is still strange to me how clearly I saw something that I don’t ever remember seeing in detail before.