I’m not saying a lot has changed in the last couple of weeks, but I’d like to keep writing, so here’s an update:
First, my niece came home from the hospital on Monday. No ventilator needed for this visit. My brother-in-law said on FB that they learned a lot this visit. I’m assuming that this means with regard to how to approach her next hospitalization, but I haven’t gotten details.
Also, I finished up an extra (unpaid, BOOOOOOOO) work project this weekend. I think I did “okay,” but it’s expected to be a two-year commitment, and I’m pretty confident I’d have a well-oiled machine next year as long as one issue is addressed. I plan to write to the powers that be to strongly suggest that a firmer protocol for medical issues (specifically, who carries Epipens) be established and communicated during training to run this program.
If my co-chair decides we don’t work well enough together, well, then, I don’t have to do these many hours of work unpaid next year. Either way, I win. The most important thing is that it’s one of the many things I’ve built up in my mind as being undoable (because of the stress and my own inferiority), and it was fine.
Nothing else new has happened. My daughter was sick–again–this week. I’ve been sort of housebound with her for the last few days. Maybe that’s why I’m crabby and anxious tonight.
There have been a lot of minor tensions/annoyances among my people in the last day or so, but I’m not sure if they’re worth writing about or just petty bitching. The tl;dr is that I’m kind of sensitive now, and I’ve felt criticized by three people whose opinion I can’t just blow off, because I value their approval and opinion of me.
It’s all co-parenting stuff (one of the people is my ex, so that’s its own category…in fairness to him, I’ve thought he was a dope a couple times lately, too), and it sounds like they disapprove of decisions we’ve made based on what’s best for my daughter, what’s reasonable given that we have a legal document, and the impending snowstorm. I don’t think anyone really has a right to much opinion on how we do things, as every divorce is different, and there really is no model for a cooperative divorce. However, I know my kid, and I think my instincts with her are great, but I feel lousy, stressed, and anxious when people I care about express disapproval because, for example, I “allow” my daughter to fulfill our agreement and go to my ex when she’s sick (as long as she’s feeling well enough to make the trip) or when there’s a snow storm in the forecast (although I’m strongly campaigning for a change of schedule that’ll allow for his weekend visit but minimize the driving).
I want to say: “I didn’t choose any of this. My ex has a right to his parenting time. I know what is best for my daughter most of the time. I’m doing the best that I can to meet my responsibilities as a mom without being a controlling, uncooperative ex. Please don’t add ‘worry about friend’s disapproval’ to the list of things I have to try to balance.”
But I don’t. Instead I blog and whine to my non-IRL friends about it.
There’s other stuff, too, I suppose, but there’s also a hot shower and Tito’s.